“Mom, Dad, Do You Think This the Right Person for Me?”

When your teen becomes old enough to choose a mate, you’ll want her to come to you with an open heart and open mind. “Mom, Dad, do you think this is the right person for me?” This would be music to the ears of many parents who would love to help their children identify a great marriage partner.

Often, however, conflicts arise because children aren’t asking — they don’t want input, only approval. The euphoria that accompanies infatuation can only be partly responsible for this. We want our children to choose both carefully and wisely, not being swept away by their feelings. That means helping them understand how much there is to learn about another person — and playing the role of a consultant who wants to help them experience the greatest possible success.

It takes time for our children to see us not simply as their parents, but as human adults who are also people with feelings and needs. Once they see us as people, they also need to see us as people who honestly want what’s best for them. We’re not seeking to control them or tell them “no” all the time. We don’t want them to miss out on great opportunities. But they have to learn to see us that way. A few ways that we can help them are by listening carefully to them, helping them make wise observations about others, and letting them experience the consequences of their actions.

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“You can become your child’s consultant or mentor, especially when it relates to how they choose a mate. But that doesn’t start years from now; it starts today. Creating that relationship takes time.”
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When we do this, we may be able to become a trusted third party from whom our children regularly seek advice — not because they have to, but because they want to. You can become your child’s consultant or mentor, especially when it relates to how they choose a mate. But that doesn’t start years from now; it starts today. Creating that relationship takes time. It may be a messy process that isn’t always straightforward, but what matters is staying in the game even when it gets tough. And no matter what, you can always pray for your child and their future mate. God is your child’s true father, and He will fulfill His purpose for your child. Where your efforts fail, His faithfulness remains.

Take Action: Engage in the Journey of Transition

If you would like to pass on your values to your children but you aren’t sure how, check out the Journey of Transition video course. Developed by the leadership of JH Ranch, this course is packed with wisdom, practical exercises, and field-tested strategies for connecting with your teenager and parenting him or her successfully through adolescence. Find out how you can model the relationship with God that you want your teen to emulate, both now and in adulthood. Click here to learn more!