How to Become Your Child’s Champion

Our job as parents is to love and protect our children. When they’re very young, we spend a lot of time telling them what they can and can’t do, especially to keep them safe. As they get older, this turns into policing (where we play a cop role) to keep those guardrails in place and help them learn to discipline their impulses and desires. But as they become adolescents, policing becomes a source of contention. Your teen wants freedom. She’s smarter, stronger, and more capable of watching out for herself. But she still needs you to keep her safe. Acting like a cop can cause constant tension in your relationship. You don’t actually want to be the one saying “no” all the time, and she gets tired of hearing it.

Our children will be looking for sources of validation. They want to know that they matter. Not understanding how much validation you’ve already given them — and not understanding how God validates them — they may seek validation from other sources. Whether it’s friends, social media, or academic accomplishments, your teens will be seeking out the approval of others. If you remain a cop, they will feel like they’re always doing something wrong. They don’t understand how your role is helping them. So how do you become your child’s advocate, ensuring that he seeks validation from the right source?

Our primary validator is God. No one will love us unconditionally except for Him. Not only are we made in His image, but God has ascribed priceless value to us through His death on the cross. No one can add to, or take away from, that value. Our job is to remind our children of this truth — and also to change our role from cop to coach.

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“Our primary validator is God. No one will love us unconditionally except for Him.”
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We are training our teens to become adults, and that means changing the way we interact with them as they grow. They still need instruction and protection. But they have to learn to think and act on their own. We can give them guidance, admonishment, and encouragement, validating their efforts and helping them make important changes. When we are able to do this, our children are less likely to turn to other sources for validation, because they know they have an advocate at home (you) and an advocate in Heaven (Christ). Other sources of validation pale in comparison. When you become a coach, your child will go from refusing your feedback to looking for your advice. It’s a major shift that has to start with you, the parent, but it pays major dividends in your relationship with your child.

Take Action: Engage in the Journey of Transition

If you would like to pass on your values to your children but you aren’t sure how, check out the Journey of Transition video course. Developed by the leadership of JH Ranch, this course is packed with wisdom, practical exercises, and field-tested strategies for connecting with your teenager and parenting him or her successfully through adolescence. Find out how you can model the relationship with God that you want your teen to emulate, both now and in adulthood. Click here to learn more!